being single in your mid 20's (and so on)

This one's for the single ladies! & the single men! Let's talk about being single in your mid 20's (and so on.) It's a sore subject for a lot of us. But I really desire to completely change your outlook on what it means and looks like to be single.

The older you get, the more it seems like everyone around you feels more comfortable saying "why haven't you found someone yet?" "Are you not looking? You need to be open to it!" and a thousand different versions of this. Sometimes it makes me feel like people don't think I'm living a good life until a boy has a crush on me... which really sends the wrong message of where to find worth and purpose. I find myself thinking "I do so much. I am serving God with my entire life and I'm seeing the fruit of it. I have a great job and amazing friends. Why is all of this not enough for the world until a boy likes me?" and I'm right in that line of thinking, so I'm writing this to show you that you have enough too. You are enough too. Paul never got married. Mother Teresa never got married. Jesus never got married, and He was the most important person to ever walk the earth. Being single is not a "waiting season." What are you waiting for? There is so much to do! It's an intentional season. This time of being single with no kids is the most time you will ever have for the rest of your life, so let's talk about what to actually do when we're single, not how to get ourselves out of being single as fast as possible.

Sometimes the most loving gift God can give us is singleness (1 Corinthians 7:7-8.) Every person is ordained a season of singleness by God, and its main purpose is not for us to pursue our career ambitions or prepare for marriage. As single adults, we have a unique freedom from distractions or ambitions that is meant to be used for full devotion to God. Paul declared that singleness exists "to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:35.) Don't miss that. It's freedom with a purpose --- purpose to pursue Him. Don't rush through this time with Him.

I know you're thinking "Krisi you don't get it! I'm almost 30 and I want a family so bad!" But I do get it. Trust me, He has heard plenty from me. God is well aware that my greatest (and one of my only!) desires is to have my own family. But while singleness, dating, and marriage are important, they aren't the main story line of our lives. The storyline of the Bible is that God is on the move. Don't miss Him moving because you're always looking forward to the next season rather than soaking in the one that you're in and getting everything out of it that you can. Again, I’ll admit to you that my second greatest desire is to get married and have kids, and that’s not a sin to feel that way! But my greatest desire is and always will be living for God and seeing the fruits of that. It’s seeing people I love and kids I've discipled find out how freeing a relationship with God is. It’s showing every person I meet how absolutely joyful a life with Christ is. Your life has so much purpose, let God use you while you have so much free time!

I believe we also need to be careful not to idolize marriage. God never actually promises it to us. I stated a few biblical examples above of adults that never got married, but I also personally know a good handful of women who never got married and are doing great things for the Lord. Check in with yourself every now and then to make sure your heart is in the right place. I'm not saying that if you don't find the one by 30, then you won't. I don't believe that at all. But I think we should check in with ourselves by asking, "if God doesn't bring me a husband or wife am I still going to chase after holiness with a passionate pursuit? Am I still going to desire to serve Him?" Which do you value more: God's plan or marriage?

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Remember when we said that this is a unique time in our lives to devote our all to God? Dating is great, but it's also distracting! You know when you're next to your crush and you're overthinking everything? Be grateful for space from that while you're completely single! Take joy in these moments where you can devote your every thought to God. Because let's be real for a second, whether you mean for it to happen or not, once you have a crush on someone, a large portion of your brain goes to thinking about them. To thinking about what you look like and if they've noticed you from across the room, or if you should sing louder or softer, or if maybe one day they'll come sit by you. I'll go ahead and admit that this is true for me, whether that's embarrassing or not! So take advantage of this time God has set aside for you to focus on Him alone.

I just got a job on the navy base about a month ago, and when I was first telling everybody where I got a job, almost every person said, "oh so many new little navy guys are going to be asking you out on dates!" I got swept up in thinking "Okay that could be fun. I could get some practice in. Learn how to not be so nervous on dates. and let's be honest it would make me feel good about myself." Then I was driving to work one day and it just hit me. Why would I even entertain that? It would be all of those things, but it would also be getting into a dating pool I already know I don't want to be in, getting anxious for dates I don't care about, and putting my self esteem in the hands of men. What's the point of dating? Are you doing it to feel good and have fun? Or are you intentionally dating to find someone to have a happy life with and who wants to serve the Lord alongside you?

So what does it mean to date intentionally instead of dating like the rest of the world does?

I think a lot of the time, worldly dating is mostly about making yourself feel good, whether that's physically, emotionally, or mentally. It feeds your ego and is a source of worth. But when you're a Christian you get to date differently, because you already know your worth. You are an actual child of the one true King. The Creator of the earth knows you by name and created a love for you that is patient and kind, not jealous or rude. Can I just express to you how worth it it is to wait for the right person rather than settle for the wrong one? God has good plans for your life and that means you don’t need to settle for anything that’s not good and doesn’t make you a better person. You do not need to spend a single moment of your life trying to earn the esteem of others. You do not need to look for anyone to fill up your tank of love. You can find an abundance in Him. So pray about what you desire your future spouse to be like. Write down your standards and morals. Wait until someone comes along that loves God as much as you do and desires to get closer to Him every single day by reading the bible and praying. Dating intentionally means waiting to date until you find someone you've built a friendship with that reminds you of God's love.

I'm not trying to be a "crazy Christian" with the intent to make you feel bad or make too many rules for yourself. It's so easy to just say "it's really not that serious." But I do think that it is so important in this day and age to go ahead and set our minds on truth, so that we can't be swayed by the world. I think it’s so important because I want to help you skip the heartache. I’ve always had strong morals and I’ve always had the “intentional dating” mindset, and I still got swept up in a bad relationship that left me (still sometimes) feeling the effects of being told I wasn’t enough. I want to help you skip that, or not fall into that again! Set your mind that you're waiting to date until you find a Christian man, so you don't get swept up in the idea of dating around for fun. Set your mind on what your non-negotiables are, so you don't get swept up by a nice guy that's never cracked open his bible. But first, set your mind that you're a child of Jesus Christ, who loves you no matter what you've done or where you've been, and He always will; so you don't get swept up in looking for love and validation from dating. You're already accepted and loved. You’re already enough.

As always, I love you SO MUCH, and Jesus loves you even more than that!!! If you have a prayer request, you can head over to my "about me" page, scroll down, and send me a message! You are valued and worthy of the type of love God created for us (1 Corinthians 13.)