All of My Dreams Come True

I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I was the little girl who played with baby dolls and Barbie’s until I was way too old, was always playing house, and babysat every chance I got. Being a mom is my number one dream job.

---

When I moved to Oklahoma two years ago, I took my sweet time finding places to apply to. About six months before moving, my church in Mississippi did a serve project at a Women’s Center that provides mothers with material goods, resources, and parenting/life skills classes. When I was there, I started connecting with the workers, asking them more about what they do, and I immediately knew that this was what I had been searching for. I didn’t know what I wanted to do before that. I had a random business degree and a random receptionist job, not really knowing what would spark joy and purpose for me until I could be a mom. The second I left this Women’s Center, I knew that this was what I was being called to do at this time in my life. I spent the next six months volunteering and teaching classes at that Center. So, when I moved, I knew my desire was to help underserved women in some way. A part of me knew that if God had given me a passion so strongly for that, He would open up a door to do it full time. A couple months later, after researching, volunteering, meeting people, and telling everyone what I wanted to do, hoping someone would have a connection; I got a job working at a Pregnancy Support Center that provides pregnancy tests, material goods, resources, ultrasounds, and has a separate shelter for homeless pregnant women and their children. I have now worked here for two years and I adore the organization. The compassion and generosity of all of my coworkers inspires me. I’m so grateful that God brought me here to be a small part of their mission.

---

Then I got pregnant and I started feeling torn between two things I’m passionate about. I ultimately decided that even though God gave me a love for this work at this time, it doesn’t trump my number one calling and dream to be a full time mom. After all- what better way to positively impact the life of a child than starting in my own home? I have worked at a daycare before and the experience showed me how pivotal and transformative the beginning of childhood is. I want to make sure I’m a part of that in my child’s life, as much as I can be.

But then we crunched the numbers. The reality is, with my husband being a pastor, we just couldn’t afford to for me to stay home. I was heart broken, but God would soon make a way.

My job is so compassionate and giving, that they offered to let me bring my baby to work until she’s about six months old. I struggled so much with this. It was so kind and generous but there was still a part of me that was so sad I couldn’t just stay home with her. I was so grateful and relieved and knew it was such a deep blessing that most people don’t get, but it still just wasn’t what I wanted. I felt like an ungrateful brat to be honest. But really I felt so overwhelmed by how full my plate was going to be. How in the world could I work full time, be a mom full time, be an intentional and loving wife, still be involved at church, enjoy hobbies, and have any sort of friendships or social life? I felt so sad thinking that some of those parts of me that I love would have to take the back burner for a while. I didn’t really have another choice, so I decided I would try to fix my heart posture, be grateful, and honor the Lord with my work.

Then creeped in the uncertainty of what was next. What about after six months? I still wouldn’t be able to afford to stay home and I still wouldn’t want to send my daughter to daycare. I couldn’t even begin to think of a solution. I was stressed about it, but I knew deep down that if God had brought me my current job that I love, He would provide yet again.

My last week of maternity leave, I opened Facebook and I saw a post that my work had made. It was a job opening at our shelter for homeless pregnant women, to work two nights a week, being able to sleep when the residents do. With it being pretty long overnight shifts, it was only 2 hours less than I work now. My heart started pounding and I immediately talked to my husband. I knew I had to jump on this opportunity while it was available. The next day I called my boss and told her I’d like to do that job instead. She said she didn’t know how she didn’t think of that, that it’s the perfect fit for me, and she just wants me to be satisfied with my job.

So starting this week, I will get to be a stay at home mom every day while still getting to provide for my family, and still have energy left over for the other meaningful areas of my life. It’s the best of all worlds and a more perfect scenario than I ever could have dreamed of.

I share this just to say that God genuinely cares for what we care for. No matter how big, no matter how small. Every job I've ever had has been exactly what I needed at that time. This is an area of my life I have come to know I can trust God entirely and He will always provide what I need in all ways- schedule, compensation, coworker relationships, etc. I went from thinking that some of my favorite parts of life would have to take a back burner and I would be left feeling unfulfilled, overwhelmed, and stressed, to now having more than I was even imagining- getting to still work, run my household, have quality time with my husband, be present and involved with my daughter, lead my small group, attend a small group, maintain friendships, plus being involved in the lives of the women at the shelter. I can’t think of a more fulfilling life. My cup couldn’t possibly run over more!

I am so grateful I just want to cry about it! I can’t believe I get to be home with my sweet Lilah Grace every day- watching her change and grow and learn. All of my dreams have come true.

---

Psalm 37:4-5

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord and trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass”

---

I hope this encouraged you in some way to keep praying for that desire you have that honors God, with the faith that He will work it all out- whether it’s how you imagine or even better. Thank you for being here and reading my rambling thoughts. I love you! God loves you even more! If you have any questions, comments, or prayer requests you can head over to my "about me" page, scroll down, and send me a message!

Love ya! Bye!