I'm Not That Big!

Right now I am breathing by the truth that I am not big enough to mess up God's plan for my life. I'm not even close to being able to derail His plans for me. I'm just not that big or powerful! I am so thankful for that and I am just bathing myself in that truth lately.

When we think we have our whole lives on the right track- when we think we are following God's plan and have gone ahead and laid out the vision we think He has for us- and then it crumbles right in front of us, we start to wonder "why?" and "how?" or "what have I done?"

In the world we live in it is extremely hard to not plan our lives out exactly how we want. Our society tells us that in just four short years after we graduate high school, we are supposed to have it all figured out- we're supposed to graduate college and start our career that Monday. Then shortly after that, we should get married and start having babies. Companies can charge $30 for a nice big yearly planner, and we'll buy it! I'm guilty!

That's not wrong and that's okay if your life follows society's timeline, BUT if it doesn't, and that derails you, then your eyes are on the wrong prize.

Something I have to continually remind myself of is that I'm not here for all of that, I'm here to spread God's word and help bring souls to the light. I'm here to help bring people from death to life. THAT is my purpose.

Another way we may feel when things do not go as we were sure that they would, is like it's our fault and that God had this marvelous plan laid out and we ruined it. I thought maybe if I hadn't taken such long meal breaks or maybe if I had been able to stay up later or maybe if I had given my boyfriend even less of my time, then I would have been able to study more and pass all of my classes. But that's not realistic and it's not the truth. Sure, sometimes that is the case! Sometimes we do mess up! But either way, we can't mess up God's plan!! I can say with assurance that I put everything I had into this last semester and it simply wasn't enough and that's okay. Let me say it again in case you need to hear it: THAT'S OKAY! I may not be enough for a nursing program that is known for how hard it is, but I am enough for the Creator of the whole entire universe, and that's enough for me... it will be enough for me.

I was absolutely sure that God's plan was for me to get my Bachelors in Nursing in four years and then spend my life working as a nurse. It makes perfect sense- sometimes I'd be the last hand a patient held before they went to Heaven and that's breathtaking, I could pray with those that asked, I could spend summers doing medical mission trips in third world countries. It's a completely God-centered plan, how could I be wrong?

Well it didn't work out that way. I have no idea if that is still His plan and it's just not time yet, or if I had it wrong the whole time. But to be honest, when I'm in school I'm not reading my bible very often at all. I consistently put school and studying above my relationship and fellowship with my Creator. I'm embarrassed and sad to admit that, but it's the truth and I think a lot of people can relate to it. It is very possible that I orchestrated this whole plan on my own, all the while ignoring God's gentle tugging somewhere else. It's also very possible that He's just waiting until I can figure out how to pursue His plan for me and pursue Him at the same time.

The only thing I know for sure is that all I want is to do what He wants me to do. I'll drop absolutely everything to follow His plan. But for now I'm in a season of waiting for the call, waiting for reassurance. A season of rest and refueling and rebuilding a fervent prayer and worship life.

If you happen to find yourself in the same season, I want to encourage you to make a prayer corner. Lay down a blanket, maybe make a prayer board, and meet God there every morning and every night. Wake up early to give Him thanks and go to bed late to praise His name one last time. I used to spend hours in my prayer corner crying out in worship, and I miss it. In a way, maybe I'm thankful for this season to get to know God better again.

If you are in this season with me, I'll be praying for you. Praying that God gives you direction and comfort. Praying that your relationship with Him blossoms like never before. I would love for you to head over to my "about" tab and fill out the form under my "about me." I would love to know how I can pray for you and add you to my prayer board- even if it's not about this.

I love you so much. You are not big enough to mess up God's plan for you. He's not a dictator that disregards the whole plan if you go a different way. Our relationship with Him is unique. He's not dictating our lives according to a predetermined plan for us, in fact He's actually shaping and redirecting His plan for us whichever way we take it. It's kind of like a co-creation of a plan, since He gives us free will. Take a moment to thank Him for that.

More to come <3